


Agony of Memories

by suckerforhappyendings



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-19 23:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8229076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckerforhappyendings/pseuds/suckerforhappyendings
Summary: Alec returns into Magnus' life after disappearing for two years.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a first attempt. Please be kind!  
> P/S: 1) English is not my first language  
> 2) This work is unbeta-ed

Magnus stared; unsure if his life was trying to play a very vile joke on him.

“What did you just ask me?”

“Please, Magnus. I know I do not deserve this; I know I am kind of putting you in the spot right now; I even know that this, like every other thing I do, is greatly unfair to you. But please, just try and -”

“No! No, no, no way is this happening right now. Not to me. Not again. What are you thinking, Alec?” Magnus backed away from the couch, not trusting himself to be that close to Alec at that moment.

Alec took a step forward, not letting Magnus add to the distance between them. “I don’t know what I’m thinking anymore, Magnus. All I know is that I want another chance to make it work. Make us work,” he finished, running a desperate hand through his hair, messing it even more than it already was.

Magnus looked at his actions with a tingling feeling on his fingers, remembering a time when the hand running through that mop of hair would have been his. Alec’s hair had always been Magnus’ favorite guilty pleasure; the memory of how Alec softened under his hands not unlike his cat bringing a pang to his heart.

“How dare you?” Magnus whispered. He fell back onto the couch behind him, his hands holding his chest, trying to alleviate the pain stinging through his being. “How dare you do this to me, Alec? It has been two years! Two years, Alec! Not only did you leave without any kind of by-your-leave or explanation, but now after _two years_ -"

"I know, Magnus! I do. By the gods, did you think I hadn't thought of all this myself? I know what this is doing to you. I know that this might simply reopen wounds that never actually healed in the first place. But we belong together, Magnus. I see that now. Finally, I see for myself how perfect we are for each other. Do you not see that anymore?"

Alec paused. Taking a deep breath, he took a step back. Magnus felt himself reaching forward, barely able to stop himself from falling back on their old roles. Biting his lips, he remained silent, watching Alec as he sat on the couch facing him.

"Magnus, I made a mistake. I thought I was doing the right thing but it was after I left you that I realized how grave a mistake it was. Even then, I stayed away, thinking - hoping? - that the pain I felt was temporary. That my decision could only benefit us both with enough time. But," Alec sighed, fiddling with his shirt.

It was then that Magnus noted that he was wearing only a silk robe with his legs exposed by the slit along its side. Standing abruptly, he walked towards his room, not saying a word. Halfway there, he's startled by the feeling of his hand being grabbed tight. Swallowing hard, he closed his eyes.

"Please let go, Alec. You're determined to stay here and I'm not appropriately enough dressed for this conversation. I'm going to change. It's my home - it's not like I am going to jump out the window just to escape from you. I- just- Just give me a minute." Not waiting for an answer, he yanked his hand away, walking into the room before locking the door behind him and leaning against it.

Magnus slowly slid down to the floor, holding in his sobs. The tears had started the moment he felt Alec's touch; a touch he had anticipated, enjoyed, cherished, then yearned for, before ending up cursing at the thought of. Alec's warmth, the softness under the calluses of his fingers, the gentleness that is conveyed even through the tightest of grips; things Magnus thought forever unavailable to him.

He cried silently, letting the tears fall as they would, his only thought the wild jumble of memories bursting through a vault he'd thought was already locked tight and rusted with no chance of reopening. But then, wasn't that exactly what Alec was so good at? Unlocking things that were not unlockable?


	2. Reminders

Alec brushed his fingers on the locked door, his own tears falling silently down his cheeks. He knew this would happen; wasn't this the exact reason he stopped himself from returning to this doorstep for so long? He slid down to his knees, leaning his forehead on the door. Magnus' pain tore through his heart, the sound of his sobs seeping softly through the door, adding more tears to the wounded organ, yet another scar he caused just because he decided on what was best for those around him. In the end, all he did was bore holes into those same hearts that carried so much love for each other. Izzy, Jace, Simon, Clary, and Magnus. Magnus... The one heart he cherished above all; the one heart he wounded without reprieve.

Alec closed his eyes; his thoughts on the memories of the distant past, where he'd stumble into the loft using his key, ushering an equally clumsy Magnus, drunk on nothing but the pleasure of each other's company. The quiet nights where they'd simply cuddle into each other, deliberately decreasing the warmth of the room as an attempt for an excuse. The silly fights; the peaceful intimacy. The magical night when they both decided to take the next step and prepared a proposal as well as a ring that they proudly showed to their friends, both respective and mutual. And then, the hated night that turned Alec into a coward all over again.

_The night was beautiful; perfectly illuminated by a wondrous full moon that one would think they could see the magic beamed by the graceful orb. Magnus was running late; his reputation earning him an increasingly busy schedule, much to Alec's dismay. Tonight, however, Alec was grateful, as he used the time to set the final details to his plans for the evening. Satisfied, he turned to the bedroom to get dressed, when he was startled by the doorbell ringing. Puzzled, as he knew Magnus had his keys with him when he left earlier, Alec went to open the door._

The door opened; jerking Alec from his memory of that night. He fell backwards, having been leaning on the door to Magnus'bedroom, only to be stopped with his head cushioned on Magnus' knees. Apologizing, he scrambled to his feet, to the sight of Magnus standing with an eyebrow raised high.

"I know I mentioned running away Alex... Alec, but I did reassure you that I wouldn't. You didn't have to guard my door," Magnus drawled. Leaning on the doorjamb, he crossed his arms, drawing Alec's attention to his face. The armor was well and truly up, Alec noted. Magnus had a habit of dressing to the nines on a good day, but the makeup on his eyes were a direct indicator of how he was feeling while choosing his outfit for any situation. Today the luminous brown orbs were brought into stark relief with smoky shadowing, artfully done to bring out his eyes while concealing the remaining puffiness from his tears. Had Alec not heard Magnus sob just a few minutes ago, he'd have doubted Magnus was at all affected with his return.

Aware he's staring, and was being equally measured by his one true friend, even before they realized they were soulmates, even after the heartbreak he's caused in this bond they have, Alec indulged and took his time to admire his lover.

He was wearing turquoise today. The loose shirt, with no buttons and a neck so low it was brushing his abs, was the only point of color in his otherwise black outfit. Even his nails were black, Alec realized. And then he gasped; Magnus was wearing the outfit he'd kept on their bed that fateful day. The day he'd cruelly left, leaving behind the perfect ambience, the perfect dinner, the perfect household, and an empty home that had everything except for what - whom - Magnus loved most.

Alec felt the tears sliding down his cheek, did nothing to help stem its flow. "You kept it?"


End file.
